Open Your Eyes
by thefastlane
Summary: Sometimes what you want is standing right in front of you...and you're just too stubborn to open your eyes and see it. Ephram/Amy/Colin love triangle...R/R!
1. Prologue

**OPEN YOUR EYES**

**_Prologue_**

                Sometimes the thing you want the most is standing right in front of you…and you can't see it because your eyes are closed. Well, you can't expect to find what you want without looking for it.

                But what if you thought you had what you wanted already? What if you kept your eyes shut so tightly that you couldn't even see that what you had wasn't at all what you needed, and the very thing you did need was right there, just waiting for the moment when you'd open your eyes. How would you know to open them?

                Sometimes, it takes a call from the other one involved, just to grab your attention. If you heard that call, would you open your eyes? Would you leave that comfort zone of blackness before your eyes to discover the world before you? And would you be able to see it?

                You'll never know, until you open your eyes…

_This will mostly revolve around three characters: Amy, Ephram, and Colin, but will include other characters from the show. Each chapter will be told in either Amy's, Ephram's, or possibly Colin's POV._

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Everwood or any of its characters. In fact, I don't really own anything except a pack of Orbit. So don't sue, because I'm a poor girl and you're not going to get anything but that stupid Orbit. Unless, of course, you really want the gum…


	2. Indecisive: Amy

**OPEN YOUR EYES**

**_Chapter 1: Indecisive - Amy_**

_The only miracle, in my life, is that your dad pulled out a map and decided to move here. The only miracle…_

A miracle. I'd told him he was a miracle. Of course he was going to do something like kiss me. I would've done the same thing if I was him. Or would I have?

I glanced over at my alarm clock, the only form of light in my room. 3:55. I really had to get some sleep, but from the way things were going, until I sorted out what I was thinking, I wasn't going to be able to go to sleep.

God, this was all so confusing. When he kissed me, I didn't know what to think. I didn't think. Colin's name didn't run through my head once. Nothing ran through my head. There was nothing. Just feeling. A feeling that really scared me, and I didn't know why.

I shut my eyes tightly, as if it would block out all these thoughts of Ephram. Colin. Colin didn't know I was. I didn't even know if Colin really loved me. He'd never had the chance to tell me. And now, maybe he never would.

Ephram. I knew he liked me. I didn't know anything beyond that. Except that he was amazing. And witty, intelligent, and caring, and…

Colin. I loved him. I had an attachment to him. I had to stick with him, stand by him, no matter what. Colin and me, we had a history together. We'd shared our lives…

_Ephram, I've shared more with you than I have shared with anyone in my entire life. Why did I say that then? Was time really so important?_

_Stop contradicting yourself, I scolded myself. __God, how can I decide between two completely different people? How am I supposed to know for sure? Colin is recovering from a coma. Ephram is alive and well. Could the thing I like about Ephram be that he can do things Colin can't? Like, talk to me and hug me…no, it goes so much deeper than that. No, no, no. This wasn't going the way I wanted it. I wasn't supposed to like Ephram. __I don't like Ephram, I convinced myself. He was just supposed to be my savior, someone to bring back Colin for me. That's all I'd planned for him. __Why did he have to be such a good person? Why couldn't he have been an asshole? Then I could've gotten him to get his dad to do the surgery, and then dropped him. Easily. But it didn't happen that way._

I wanted what I didn't want. I didn't want what I wanted. And I didn't know what I wanted. I was driving myself insane, absolutely crazy, and for a moment I wished I couldn't think. _I do not__ like Ephram. I love Colin. Colin. Colin, who doesn't even know me, let alone love me, but in time he will. _

                I finally came to a conclusion that the only reason I'd kissed Ephram for as long as I did was because I was imagining it was Colin, and I'd pulled away when I realized it wasn't. At last, though still torn by some uncertainty, I was somewhat comforted and was able to close my eyes and begin to drift off. But, a few moments later, the second I finally got comfortable, my eyes snapped open in shock. Because I realized my conclusion was undeniably wrong.

                I knew it was Ephram. I was fully aware of that the whole time. And the reason I'd pulled away, it wasn't because I regretted anything. It was because it scared me. Honestly, I was afraid that Colin would find out. I was afraid that I might have wasted all my time on something that would never be again. I was afraid that I might lose Colin.

                But the scariest thing about that kiss, I realized, was that I liked it.

                _Really liked it._


	3. Different Now: Ephram

**OPEN YOUR EYES**

**_Chapter 2: Different Now - Ephram_**

_It was just a spur of the moment thing, I told myself. __I didn't really mean to kiss her. Useless. I knew very well that wasn't the case. I'm not that great at lying to myself._

"Want pancakes?" Startled that someone else was in the room, I snapped my head off the table and responded with a quick, "No!"

"Alright," my dad sighed, disapproval almost materializing his long breath. Dad. It sounded like such a normal and friendly word. Well, then I guess I shouldn't be calling him that. He was The Great Dr. Brown. Right. He disapproved that I didn't want to eat his shitty cooking or believe in this new parenting stunt he was trying to pull off. It didn't matter if he made pancakes or was a family doctor or wanted to take me camping. My dad was still an asshole. He hadn't been there for me before, and he wasn't there for me then. And besides, it was all just some stupid act, and I knew that it wouldn't last much longer. One of these days, the whole thing would blow over, and my dad would be an even bigger asshole.

The other day he'd actually made an attempt to talk to me about Amy. Like I was going to tell him anything. I couldn't even figure her out in my head, let alone with actual words. And telling _him would be like telling a complete stranger off the street my whole life story._

I finally noticed that my dad had never left the room. I watched as he made a feeble attempt to flip over those stupid pancakes, knocking over the rest of the batter in the process. Mocking words were at the tip of my tongue, and I almost let them out—but at the very last second, I fought them. Because he wasn't doing anything. He was just standing there with this pathetic look of utter defeat, staring at the mess with the face of someone who knows he's been beaten. For once, he wasn't trying to fix anything. I almost felt sorry for him. It was like he had—human emotions. Yeah, that's funny—human emotions? From the Great Dr. Brown? I suppressed bitter laughter and sauntered out of the room.

                It was official: I'd completely screwed things up with Amy. After church on Sunday, I'd asked her how Colin was, and she completely ignored me. Everything was different now. Different because of me.

                But hadn't she responded when I kissed her? Or did I imagine that part?

                I sighed and lay back on my bed. My room—that was my sanctuary. Safe from psycho fathers and heart-breaking girls. Safe from making any kind of stupid mistakes like a kissing a girl who has a boyfriend in a coma. Safe from all the Everwoodians with their unfamilar customs and small-town ways.

From the first day we arrived here, I knew I'd have to make my room a place that I liked. I knew I wouldn't be getting out much—but I didn't know why just then. When most people paint their rooms, they leave the ceiling white and paint the walls in a color they like. They say when you paint the ceiling, it closes in the room, making it feel like a box. Making you feel trapped. Me, on the other hand—I'd painted the walls in a vague grayish color, and done the ceiling as well. I liked that closed-in, trapped feeling. It gave me a feeling of comfort, like nobody could come in. When I finally finished painting that room, I felt so sure that this room would be safe from everybody.

Unfortunately, I didn't count on meeting a girl like Amy. Everywhere I went, she followed. She was in my head. And she even followed me right into my room, my sanctuary, I suddenly realized, because even though I was trying my hardest to think about anything but her—it wasn't working.

I couldn't expect her to just get rid of Colin, could I? Well…that's exactly what I wanted. I wanted Colin to never remember Amy and for her to just give him up for me. I wanted for Amy and Colin's relationship to never have existed. I wanted Colin to just _disappear._

_I wish we'd never move to this goddamned place…I wish I'd never met Amy._

A bitter laugh escaped my throat as I remembered something I'd seen somewhere—I don't know, a bumper sticker somewhere, probably. A billboard. _'Tis better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all. Yeah, right. If it was a one sided love, you lost from the beginning. And you wish you'd never loved in the first place._

So I guess this is how he feels. My…dad. Loving someone who can't love you back…simply because they just _can't._


	4. Run: Amy

**OPEN YOUR EYES**

**_Chapter 3: Run - Amy_**

_If I could just get Colin to remember, and even out him and Ephram, then I'd know for sure who I wanted to be with, I assured myself, shifting my shoulders to keep my backpack on, as I tried to keep hold of two, large, full duffel bags while coming down the bus stairs. The spiked heel of my boot caught on the bottom step of the bus stairs, and in a moment's time, I flew forward—and so did my bags. I mentally prepared myself for the pain and instinctively shot my arms forward…only to hit soft human skin, rather than the hard pavement I was anticipating. I slowly lifted my head and jolted back when I saw the face of the person who'd broke my fall._

Ephram.

"Thanks," I said quickly, bending over to pick up my bags.

"Amy…" Ephram began. I couldn't look at him. I _couldn't. "Well…let me help you."_

His hand accidentally brushed over mine as we both reached for the same bag. _Oh, God. Scarlet colored my cheeks at the slightest touch, and I impulsively pulled the hand back. "Sorry," I muttered, finally. I couldn't take it anymore. I stole a quick glance at him, only to find him standing there with my duffel bag in one hand, looking lost and confused._

"Um…" he began, handing me the bag as we started walking into school. "So, what are all these bags for?"

Well, might as well tell him. Stiffly and while staring at my moving feet, I informed him, "I'm going up to see Colin right after dance today, and I figured I might as well spend the night. Saves me extra bus fares."

He was silent. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him kind of fiddling around around with his hands, and there was this kind of tension in the air. I knew he wanted to talk about that kiss, and I wasn't prepared for it. _But you have to do it, Amy. You aren't being fair. You have to stop running from everything. But how was I supposed to talk with him about it when I couldn't even figure it out in my head?_

"Amy, listen. About—"

_Crap. __Here's your opportunity to talk to him. Maybe he can help you figure it out. Maybe, finally, you'll stop running away from your problems._

And what did I do?

I made up some stupid excuse about having to go study for a math test. And then I ran.

_Running away from the problem again...God, Amy. I was disappointed in myself. Really disappointed._

But as I entered the school building, forcing a smiling face at the principal who greeted me as I came in, I was struck with another thought. _Maybe you aren't__ running from the problem. I had thought Ephram was the problem._

                _I was the problem. I was the one who couldn't make up my mind. I was the one who was being untrue to two people at the same time. I was the one who gave Ephram a reason to kiss me. The problem was me._

                And sooner or later, I was going to have to face the problem. Because you can't run from yourself.

                Although, I have to admit, that is exactly what I intended to do.

(A/N: This isn't going to follow the complete storyline, but a lot is going to be the same as the show, which I again, don't own. PLEASE REVIEW!)


	5. What You Do: Ephram

**OPEN YOUR EYES**

**_Chapter 4: You're In My Head – Ephram_**

                "Damnit!" I swore. "Damn!"

                Amy had just walked away from me again. _Again! She never gave me the opportunity to just talk to her. And she never told me what she was thinking._

                But then again—did she ever? I sighed. This girl was just too much for me.

                And despite the fact that she played with my head and my feelings, making me think at one moment that there might be something there and then the next moment completely contradicting thought, and that she was in love with Colin, and that I deserved to be treated much better…I think I was in love with her.

*                                              *                                              *

                I sat staring at my computer screen. It was blank. Just a white space with that stupid flashing cursor. I was trying to get a head start on my English paper about abortion, but how was I supposed to concentrate on abortions when Amy was at the hospital. With _Colin. Who was now awake and could remember at any moment who Amy was. Colin was real again. I couldn't deal with that._

                I glanced over at my clock. 11:30. I figured I'd had enough and decided to start getting ready to go to sleep. Sighing, I shut down and flipped the switch on my computer. I dropped my head down on my desk, emotionally and physically worn-out. _Damn her. She gets in the way of everything. Now she's even in the way of me having normal thoughts. Hell, she's in the way of me having a normal life. I'm not going to be able to think about anything but her until—_

                My thoughts were interrupted by the shrill, annoying ring of the phone. Scowling, I snatched it up. "Hello?" I spat out.

                "Ephram?" a small voice said questioningly.

                "Oh, hey. I was just thinking about you," I said casually, trying to play off the fact that I never _stopped thinking about her._

                "Can you come outside?" It sounded like she was crying. She sounded lost. Alone. Even a little…scared. A sniff confirmed my suspicions. I always was good at guessing emotions.

                _What the hell could have happened? "Amy, what's wrong?" I asked her softly. "Where are you?"_

                "Just come outside. I'm on your porch. _Please."_

                I took a quick glance out the window. It was cold, it was snowing, I was tired. But Amy was standing there, bits of snow clinging to her hair, clad in nothing but that thin corduroy jacket she always wore and jeans, holding a cell phone and looking up at me.

                And naturally, my reply was, "Gimme a sec."

                I hung up the phone, yanked my coat off the back of my computer chair, and hastily managed to pull the first pair of shoes I saw. I raced downstairs, noticing my dad's light was off on the way down.

                The moment I opened the front door, the cold stung my face. And then something stung my heart when I looked at Amy, sitting on my porch swing and looking at me like a child whose lost their parents in the mall. There were no tears in her eyes, but her red eyes and damp cheeks gave the indication that she had been crying. She was silently inviting me over to the swing, and the second I saw what a wreck she was, I immediately went over and hugged her gently.

                I let myself enjoy the embrace for a second before pulling back, but as I went to sit dwon beside her, she caught my hand. I looked at her, shocked. She was never one to be affectionate. She didn't smile. Or do much of anything but stare at me. But the way she was staring at me—so strangely, like she was looking at something off in distance, that I couldn't see. She gripped my hand tighter, and finally opened her mouth to speak. "I—Colin. He had _no idea."_

                I think I understood. I, personally hated Colin for the sole fact that he was in possession of Amy's heart, but Amy looked so heartbroken… "Amy, he's recovering," I explained to her gently, pulling my hand back but never breaking eye contact. "You know, sooner or later, he'll remember. It happens with all these head-trauma injuries."

                "But I just—he asked me if I was his mother. He looked at me—like he'd never seen me before. _Ever! You can't even imagine how hard it to look into the eyes of someone you love and have them look at you back at you with no love!"_

                _If only you knew, I thought bitterly. I couldn't bear to look at her anymore and dropped my head down into my hands. When I looked up a moment later, I found that Amy was staring off into space._

"I had to leave. I just…how can you love someone and not _remember? Maybe I wasn't important enough…" She trailed off, finally breaking down and allowing a fresh tear to break free._

Something got into me. Maybe it was the snow falling around us, or maybe it was just the simple fact that I wanted so badly just to be with her. But on an impulse, the same impulse that had made me kiss her that night in the mine, I took my hand and gently wiped the tear away with my thumb. She turned to look at me, her eyes full of questioning. With her eyes locked on mine, I couldn't do much but stare. And she wasn't breaking our eye contact. Time slowed to a crawl And then suddenly, without a second thought…I leaned in and kissed her.


	6. Gone: Amy

**OPEN YOUR EYES**

**_Chapter 5: Gone – Amy_**

                Ephram's lips were on mine. Something wasn't right. No, something was wrong with this picture.

                I shot back at my first instinct that something wasn't right. And when I looked back and saw Ephram's eyes, confused and lost, I did what my instinct told me to, without a second to think in between.

                "Who the hell do you think you are?" I spat out, uncharacteristically raising my voice and speaking unkindly. "I trust you as a friend, and every time I'm the slightest bit vulnerable, you take that as an opportunity to move in and kiss me?"

                I watched the look in his eyes change drastically from confusion to hurt in a matter of two seconds. My stomach churned. Suddenly I felt awful for being so harsh, but before I got a chance to rephrase it, the look changed again—the anger. I knew in an instant—he was fed up.

                "No!" he lashed out at me ruthlessly. "No, Amy! Don't pretend you don't know that you aren't 'just a friend' to me! Don't do that! You know damn well what you mean to me, and you just use me as this a shoulder to cry on whenever something goes wrong with your precious little Colin. Well, you know what? I'm sick of it! I'm not gonna be your fallback guy anymore, Amy! You've done nothing but toy with me. You're selfish, conniving, manipulating, you—" He bit his tongue visibly, then drew a deep breath and glared at me. "Just go." He nodded his head towards the stairs, spun on his heel and ran into his house, slamming the door behind him.

                _Well, __Amy, your game's finally over. Ephram finally got smart. I felt tears springing to my eyes. Why? I wasn't supposed to cry. His loss, right? I still had Colin._

                _Yeah, Colin, who remembers me so well. Okay, so maybe I didn't have him as of this moment, but I would. __Or maybe not. I finally gave in and let the tears fall._

                Was Ephram right? Of course he was. I was using him. I…think? I loved Colin. Not Ephram. So why did I run to Ephram's when Colin didn't remember me? Why had I told the bus driver to drop me off at the stop by Ephram's street? Why had that been my first instinct? Well…it didn't matter anyway now. He hated me. _You're supposed to hate him too, Amy, I reminded mysef._

                I slowly got up, and took one final look at the house. It was like I was saying goodbye to Ephram forever. That was what I wanted…? I think I was supposed to be happy that Ephram was gone from my life._ I mean, ever since he came, he's done nothing but damage…or has he done the opposite? Why can't I make up my mind lately? What's wrong__ with me?_

_                I looked at Ephram's window. I saw him through the blinds, and made out a vision of him walking in and throwing his coat on the floor. Then I noticed out of the corner of my eye that another room had been dark, and now a light was on.  Strange…I focused back to Ephram's window, but the light was back on._

                When he'd kissed me, I'd thought Ephram was the thing wrong with the picture. And now that he was gone, I wasn't so sure. So what exactly was wrong? I knew something was. It _had to be Ephram._

                "You don't need him," I murmured aloud. But I had a hard time believing it.

                As I began the short walk home, I'm sure even the trees and the wind and the snow were laughing at me, laughing at the pathetic little mess I finally realized I had become.


	7. For the Best: Ephram

**OPEN YOUR EYES**

**_Chapter 6: For the Best – Ephram_**

                I didn't sleep that night.

                Or did I? It hadn't felt like sleeping, but I undeniably remember this dream I kept having. Like a song skipping on a broken CD, repeating over and over but not allowing me to finish it. You can't dream unless you're sleeping, right? At least I think it was a dream.

                _My mouth was on hers, for not but a second when Amy pushed me away and looked at me with this immense—hatred. And then I yelled at her…not words, really, but some kind of jibberish. Then my words finally became clear—I was saying over and over, "Get out of my life!" Finally, I turned around, and went to go inside, but something made me turn around. It was her voice, sweetly calling, "Wait! I have something to tell you!" I spun around but before I was far enough to see her—suddenly everything was gone, there was only white, and then the dream would play over again._

                I _had yelled at her. And said some pretty harsh things, most of which I had meant. She had been selfish, manipulating…but I knew another side to her, too._

                _Yeah, the side she only had when anyone even remotely in relations with Colin wasn't around._

                Part of me was congratulating myself. _All right, Ephram, finally getting control of your life again! Finally getting control of your heart! But the other part of me was recognizing that in me finally opening up, we would never be friends again, and nor would she be in life anymore. It was goodbye._

                And I suppose I wanted it that way. _This is the best thing for you. She wasn't doing anything but screwing you up inside. Now you have a free heart, not tied down to her anymore. Now you go fall for whoever the hell you want._

                But I didn't believe that. I had tried so hard not to like Amy when I found out she had a boyfriend. I wanted so badly to blame her stealing my heart, but how could I? What had she done, other than be beautiful and nice and a friend? You can't help who you fall in love with. You can choose who you date, who you marry, who you spend your time with…but once a person is thrown into your heart, they're not leaving until someone out there, decides your time is up. There's only room for one person in there. If Amy had only looked a little deeper into hers…maybe she would have seen who it really was.

                And even if who I wanted to be in her heart had really been there, now it was too late. After tonight's events, I was completely banished from her heart. It didn't matter if I was the one filling it, or if only a tiny piece of me had managed to fight its way in there beside Colin. And it was time for me to…well, I'd survive without her. I had been fine before I ever met her. Okay, so I wasn't. But my _mom just died! __God…Mom…why can't she be here? None of this shit would have happened._

                I barely acknowledged the tear that had somehow dared to fall, and tried to get off of that subject. I hated thinking about it, because when I did, I was transformed into this other me, a me that may as well be dead and a me that had no reason to live. When I was yelling at my dad, I could refer to life without Mom, because even though I hated him, he was closest living connection I had to Mom, and that gave me reason for living. But when I was alone…it was a completely different story. I had learned to block those kinds of thoughts out whenever I felt them coming.

                _Fine, but in terms of my love life, I wasn't suffering without her. Sure, I had sort of a lack of a love life, but it was probably better than living with a broken heart all the time._

                And so the time had come for me to let go. Move on.

                There was a dull ache in my heart when morning finally rolled around. It was empty, and the pain was its silent cry to refill it. _It's over, I convinced myself. __Sh'es gone._

***

                God, it was already Monday. Basically my weekend had sucked. Saturday, I hung around the house, moping, until Delia finally made me take her see the Wild Thornberry movie. I must have looked seriously pathetic for Delia to think she had to get me out of the house.

                And then Sunday, my dad insisted we go to church, insisted that we go every week from there on. _I just love__ how he finally cares, I had thought, as I'd rolled my eyes at his very suggestion. I think the thing that killed me most about church was that Amy's family went every week. I didn't need to see her all the time after I had finally decided to toss her out of my mind. My life._

                My dad, being the complete ignorant moron he is, just had to drag me and Delia over to the Abbott family as we left church, to bicker with Dr. Abbott, say hello to and exchange idle chitchat with Mrs. Abbott, and of course—ask Amy how Colin was.

                I tried to avoid listening to her answer, but curiosity got to the best of me. I pretended to be deeply involved watching my little sister's attempts to flirt with a boy who was much older than her but had a much lower IQ than she did, but my ears were elsewhere.

                "He's doing great!" she exclaimed. I could just picture that smile, spreading across her face like—_Oh cut it out, Ephram. For the sake of curiosity only, just listen. "At first he didn't even know who I was…but then I went to visit last night, and he said my name! And then he asked me if I remembered how he called me Grover. He's remembering things, again. It's wonderful."_

"Yes, absolutely a _miracle. He's practically normal again," Dr. Abbott cut in. You could hear the smirking in his voice, as he implied that's Colin's recovery was solely a miracle and had nothing to do with my father's work on him. And I could tell he was directing his little comment at me too…silently telling me to back off. He'd never liked me._

"Well, that's great," my dad responded enthusiastically. Obviously choosing to overlook Dr. Abbott's implications, he added, "I'm glad the operation's had such a positive effect."

With that, we were dragged off again.

And now, it was Monday again. Monday meaning school. School meaning a place where Amy could be anywhere. I could run into her any second and have to face her.

I didn't. I don't think she was in school that day. I overheard Kayla saying something about her spending the day in Denver with Colin, so I guess that's where she was.

But then on Tuesday, third period, I was coming out of English, head in the clouds, silently bitching over the fact that Mrs. Lauwer had given me a C on that abortion paper I'd been up all of Sunday night typing. I mean, come on, I deserved at least a B solely for the fact that I sacrificed four hours of sleep. But anyway, Amy was walking into the class, and her thoughts were probably somewhere else too, because we walked straight into each other.

I looked at her upon impact. She looked at me. I broke the tension by responding with a casual, "Sorry." I shrugged my shoulders, noticing that her brow began to furrow, and walked off.

I had treated her as though we had never shared such deep thoughts, never kissed, let alone even ever met, and the way she looked at, I thought, held a similar significance. We were over. There would never be an us again. Not as friends, not as enemies, not as anything more. We were just two people who could no longer be associated.

                And I think I was kind of okay with it.

                But the thought of me being okay with that…well, it scared me.


	8. Remind Me: Amy

**OPEN YOUR EYES**

**_Chapter 6: Remind Me – Amy_**

                Had it been my imagination, or had Ephram just acted like we were random strangers meeting for the first time? I couldn't understand. I thought—well, honestly I thought we might have gotten past the fight last night. Okay, so maybe I didn't think that he would really forgive. He'd sounded serious this time. But I think, deep down, I'd wanted him to forget about it, and so I had made myself believe I would. I'm dumb like that, sometimes. But—he…well, now it was official—we were over.

                _Okay, Amy, breathe, I told myself. __It's not like you needed him, anyway. Now you can focus all your time on Colin's recovery. It was true, I guess. This was what I'd wanted all along—for Ephram to go away, right?_

                I sighed. I couldn't believe that. If I had really wanted him to go away…I would have said something to him. I know myself, most of the time, and something had been keeping me the whole time from just getting rid of him. I knew there was something, but I couldn't figure out what.

                _Well, you blew it, so just forget him. Move on._

_                Was it really that easy? I mean, I had Colin. And Colin was making some serious progress. I'd gone to see him that weekend, again, deciding that I'd have to go back sooner or later, and to my complete surprise, he'd greeted me. "Amy? Grover?"_

                It had been a miracle. But when I'd asked why he called me that, his response had been, "I don't know. It just—came to me."

                And he hadn't known anything but my name and the fact that he called me Grover, but he was still there, somewhere inside there, he was there. Or was he?

                Ephram had been there. No questions. But I didn't love…well, I loved Colin…

                I inwardly sighed and tried to concentrate on Mrs. Lauwer's lecture on how disappointed she was with our essays.

***

                "Colin, look!" I pointed to the television hanging in the left corner of the hospital room, playing a video from my fourteenth birthday dinner. I drew a breath. This was so frustrating. "Don't you remember?"

                His eyebrows furrowed. "Hmm…I…no. It…looks like me, but I can't…remember." For a moment it had seemed like he had something, but then lost it. I was sitting on the edge of his bed, as he lay there, looking at me so intently. I turned to him.

                It was two weeks after Colin had woken up. He didn't look the same; and yet he did. His features were the same—but they'd lost the things about that I loved. His eyes—the knowing sparkle in them, always laughing at some kind of secret joke—the spark was gone. His mouth—always stretched into a boyish grin, laughing, smiling, so full of life—was dead. He looked drained of everything. Even the way he talked—it was slow and awkward, so unlike the cool, confident way he used to speak. Colin's body was there, all right, but it was lacking in his soul, in his personality, in everything that made Colin _Colin._

                _Relax, it'll all come back, I assured myself. __He won't be this way forever. And just as I had begun to believe it, the warning words my father, the ones he had said right before I went in to see Colin for the first time, came back to me, slapping me harder than any physical kind of force could have. __You know, Amy, sometimes, with this kind of injury, especially when in a coma for so long…well, sometimes, the patients don't get their memory back. Sometimes they have to be told who they were, reminded of what they liked and how they felt about things and people. Sometimes when they start over, things change. Personalities can change…he might have to start over, you know._

                I, of course, had been too excited at the prospect of normality, of having a boyfriend who was awake so I could figure out this whole Ephram and Colin thing fairly, to care or even acknowledge what his words meant. I did now.

                "So…tell me. How did we know each other? I mean…_really, how were we…associated?" Colin spoke up suddenly, startling me. "You come so much to see me, so…"_

                I turned my head to look at him. His hands were folded across his chest, his eyes blank, expression blank. _No, this isn't who you are, Colin. I hesitated to answer him._

                _How do you remind someone that they were in love with you, if you don't even know that they were? Honestly, the morning of his accident, it was __me who said those three words to him…and he never gave them back to me. Maybe I was just an amusement for him. __No, no, no. No. As far as I had told him, he was best friends with Bright, and I was Bright's sister. Nothing more._

                "We were close," I finally managed, choking out the words. It was about all I could tell him. I could never tell him that he was supposed to love me. And then I mumbled a lame goodbye and ran out. Ran. I always ran.

(A/N: So what are you guys thinking so far? Honestly, I think Amy likes Ephram a lot more and is a lot more vulnerable than she lets on in the show, and I do really like her character, but I think she's easily confused about her emotions and can't face her problems. And I think she's the kind of person who can't see what's in front of her face—hence the title, "Open Your Eyes". I don't think she's the kind of person who can survive her life alone—and she kinda sucks when it comes to making decisions and making up her mind. I'm trying to portray her as I see her on the show, so even if the plot is going off, you'll still be able to make a connection with the show. 

As for Ephram, I'm really liking my portrayal of him so far. Maybe it's just my biased opinion, being that I _did write this, but these all seem to be like things he'd do and say so far. Some of you might say that he wouldn't decide to forget Amy so fast, but in all honesty, I feel like this reflected off the show. Like in the episode where he tells Amy off at the grocery store…it was a kind of foreshadowing that he's fed up with  not Amy, exactly, but her games. _

And I'll leave with a bribe…for every review I get, I'll write a new chapter…damn, maybe you better not review _too much…ha, j/p.)_


	9. Closed: Ephram

**OPEN YOUR EYES**

**_Chapter 8: Closed – Ephram_**

                It had been nearly two weeks since that big fight with Amy. And surprisingly, I didn't miss her. But I didn't not miss her. Actually, I didn't think about her. I had slowly developed into this emotionless person, in a way. Whenever my thoughts went to her, I finally did something I could never do before—I cut off all emotions associated with her. She was just Amy, a girl who wanted to bring back her boyfriend. And I was Ephram, new boy with no friends. We had never met. She didn't throw me into a mad, crazy state of love. She didn't send me spiraling into fits of anger. She didn't bring my emotions into a state of turmoil. She just _was._

                Of course, this was all in my head. I didn't know how I felt about her anymoe, because I feared most that I might be wrong.

                I would pass her in the hallways, and I first I ignored her completely, as she did to me. But as time went on, I found myself more and more sneaking sly glances at her once she'd passed me, or whatever. But you know what? It didn't matter, because it was too late me now. She had forgotten me. And I couldn't be angry at that. It was my choice.

                My life was pathetic. Lately, most of my time had been spent either in my room, bonding with Delia, or avoiding my father. He didn't even know what was going on with Amy. He asked me, just yesterday, why I never "hung out" with her anymore. Dumbass. _Maybe you'd know if you spent more time on your own kids than some random kids with stuffy noses. I wanted to go home…I wanted to go back to New York. I wanted some normalcy. It was so much easier to stay away from evil heartbreaking girls and shitty fathers in the city. I could escape to a club with my best friend Mike and go out and meet someone new. And here in Everwood? There wasn't anyone. Well, not anyone but Amy. Even now, if I wanted to be bold and try to find a girl in this pathetic little town, I couldn't. Not after meeting Amy. There wasn't a single girl in the town who could even hold a candle to her. Maybe not in the world._

                _Damn, Ephram, you were past this. Stop. Think about something else. Anything else._

                Someone was on my side, because a second later, I heard a knock on the door. "Come in," I called, expecting Delia.

                But it was not Delia who walked into my room. It was the Great Doctor Brown. Wonderful.

                "Just the person I wanted to see," I scowled, sitting up in my bed. "What do _you want?"_

                "Just to talk," he said, very seriously, standing by the edge of my bed as though he was going to sit down. Before he actually sat, he turned to look at me and began hesitantly, "Ephram…I know you've never been very social, but now…you don't go out at all. What hap—"

                "Don't," I spat out, bitter laughter complementing my words as I shook my head slightly. _Who the hell does he think he is? "We never wanted to 'just talk'. Don't think this is any different now. This is just all a part of your little good father plan, but you know what I think? I think you're a joke. You trying to talk to me about my problems doesn't make you a good father. If you were ever around, maybe you'd know something about my life."_

                "Ephram—" he cut in warningly. "Don't talk to me in that tone—"

                "No!" I yelled hoarsely, raising to my feet. "You don't even know what makes a good father! You don't give a damn about your kids! If you did, you'd see how miserable I am in this hellhole!"

                "I might not be Mr. Brady, but I'm your _father, and I'm__ trying!" he raged, getting on his feet, too, and moving closer to me. "And you sure as hell don't make the job any easier by throwing every little mistake I've ever made in my face every time I'm in the same room as—"_

                "Then get out!" He was right in my face now, face red, as I'm sure mine was. I couldn't stand him. I could barely live in the same house as him. Why did he have to make it worse and enter my personal space, my room? My room was supposed to be safe. It had been bad enough that Amy found her way in. But now _him?_

                For a moment he just stood, inhaling and exhaling deeply. And then he sighed, bringing his hands to his face, and left.

                _Good._

                Maybe I wasn't as bad at lying to myself as I thought. I had really believed that I had lost the ability to feel any emotions.

                Apparently, I still had it in me.


	10. Where Are You?: Amy

**OPEN YOUR EYES**

**_Chapter 9: Where Are You? – Amy_**

                When Colin had his accident, I'd told myself life couldn't ever get any worse. Apparently, I hadn't known what life would be like after he woke up.

                It had been two months his eyes had opened. And he was doing well, I guess. He remembered things. He remembered his parents, he remembered ballet recitals, he remembered my stupid Grover doll. He asked me a lot of questions about his life, and then his eyes would light up when I answered and he would say, "I remember!" He was even back in school, and he remembered some people. But it was different. This was a new Colin. He threw himself all over Katie Ellen, who didn't have the heart to tell him they were broken up, since long ago. I didn't have to heart to watch them together. Only when I was around did she try to keep him off of her. I kept a close watch on them. He didn't play basketball anymore. His favorite show was the Simpsons, and he was friends with my friends. He could write and read and do some math, but he couldn't remember recent things and was getting a lot of extra help. I didn't know this Colin. The Colin I knew hated Katie for dumping him and swore he'd never talk to "that bitch" again. The Colin I knew was the star of the basketball team. He watched the Simpsons, but he hated my friends because they were all so snobby. _"How do you hang out with them? They're so…fake. And you're so down-to-earth and…well, real." The Colin I knew…he was always so smart, always helping me with my homework. I never figured out how my brother the idiot and Colin became friends._

                I spent most of my time at his house or with him and Bright, walking around town, showing him places and things, trying to make him remember. He remembered most of it at the time, and if not, he'd remember it later. Watching him see everything…it broke my heart. Once, when I was about ten, I saw my baby cousin open her eyes for the first time. She looked around, and there was just so much wonder in her eyes, because she was seeing the world for the first time. And Colin, well, I didn't want to admit it, but he was too.

When we were together, he treated me like Bright's sister, and nothing more. Well, maybe sometimes a friend, but not a close one, just one he _had to hang out with. A tag-along. At first, he and Bright had walked together like strangers. And then, after a few days, Colin suddenly broke out into a grin and launched into his and Bright's famous handshake. And then things were okay with them. Although he didn't remember everything they'd been through, exactly, he remembered the feelings. He remembered that best friend bond they shared, and that was what mattered, because even if they didn't have all the memories, they could make new ones._

                As for me…well, Colin remembered me. He remembered what he called me. He remembered that he told his parents that Grover the doll kicked him in the nuts once. He remembered that he'd gone off searching for me on a field trip. He even remembered that time I told him I'd never been kissed, and he kissed me. But he didn't remember why! He wondered. He asked me, even. I said nothing but "I don't know". Because…honestly, now I was sure that I didn't know why. I should have told him it was because he liked me. But I couldn't tell him that, because how did I really know? Colin had so many girlfriends before me. And the day at Buck's Rock…he never responded when I said I…loved him.

                I'd begged and pleaded for Bright, my parents, his parents, my friends…not to tell him anything about me and him. I told them not to tell him I was his girlfriend. When they'd asked why, I said I wanted him to remember on his own. And at the time, I'd believed it.

                And Ephram…he was gone from my life, but in a way, he wasn't really gone at all. He was kind of everywhere, but when I was with Colin, I could focus all my thoughts on Colin's recovery and away from Ephram. And then there were times like these, where I was alone in my room, lying on my bed, just thinking, where he'd jump into my head. For a few minutes, I'd allow myself to think back and wonder about him. What did he do now? I saw him in school, every now and then, sitting alone in the cafeteria, always accompanied by headphones and his homework or a comic book, generally the latter. He never looked up and noticed me, never acknowledged my presence as I walked past his table. And then I saw him after school at ballet. I'd sometimes steal quick looks at him, but I never caught him looking at me, not even for a second. He was so wrapped up in his music, that he never looked at anyone while playing. Those days of him taking a quick second away and smiling at me while I danced, and then our casual conversations after practice…they were gone. I would dash out of ballet as soon as it was over and run to meet with Colin and Bright. I saw him around town sometimes, when I was with Colin. He wouldn't even look at me. He was usually alone, sometimes with his sister. Sometimes he would be laughing, but only if he was with his sister. Once Delia came over to say hello to me and Bright, and to meet Colin, I guess, and I wondered where Ephram had disappeared off to. I almost asked her, but then stopped myself. I didn't want Colin to know I had any relations with Ephram, because if he remembered and knew how I had let myself become involved with Ephram, he would get rid of me. Then if the rest of the people in the town knew, like my so-called friends, they would say I wasn't loyal and they would shun me. And Ephram didn't care about me, and then I wouldn't have anyone.

                I sometimes wondered how I was living through this. My life was just…crazy. I had no control anymore…nothing went my way. And I no longer could do what I wanted to do. I felt these obligations to people, to responsibilities, to everything.

                "Amy?" a voice called from the doorway.

                "Hi, Bright," I sighed knowingly.

                "Listen, I was thinking, maybe we should go to Buck's Rock. We were there the morning of the accident, so maybe if he remembers that…" his voice trailed off.

                "Great," I said flatly, staring off at the wall.

                "Amy, I know it's really hard for you," Bright began sympathetically, wandering towards my computer chair and sitting down. For once, I thought he might have something smart to say, so I turned my head to look at him. "But maybe if you just let me tell him you were his girlfriend, he'd remember faster."

                "No!" I cried suddenly, surprising both myself and my brother. "You can't do that, ever."

                "Well…why not?" he asked, confused.

                "Because," I stated. That was all I could offer him. I don't know why I was so against that idea, of telling him, but I knew it was something I wasn't admitting to myself.

                "Is it because…" He paused to think. "Is it because…you think if I tell him that, he might feel like he _has to like you, even if he doesn't?"_

                _I think Bright just was…smart? I guess in a way, it was true, but I felt like something wasn't on target. "Yeah…something like that."_

                _Liar._

***

                "Hey, we used to do flips off here!" Colin proclaimed, a grin crossing his face slowly.

                "Yeah, and the last one you did before the accident…it _sucked!" Bright threw at him, laughing._

                "Hey, watch it, or I'll throw you right in here, and I don't care if it's frozen!" Colin was laughing now, and slapped my brother so hard on the back that he nearly did fall in.

                I was sitting on a rock earby, as I had been so many months ago. But I didn't feel a part of it anymore. This was Bright and Colin. No me. Oh sure, there was the playful teasing, but not from the person I needed to hear it from. I suppose it was Bright's way of trying to remind Colin of how he used to act around me, but Colin apparently didn't catch on, because the only talks we ever had were about him and what his life was like. There was no special smile for me anymore.

                Actually, I noticed as Bright and Colin contimued to torment one another…Colin's smile, his laugh, even his personality…it wasn't his anymore. It was…Bright's? _"…personalities can change…he might have to start over, you know..."_

                Where was _Colin? Where was my boyfriend? Where was my first crush, my first kiss, my first love? Where was the person I loved? __Had loved. Was he hiding in there somewhere? Or had that Colin been thrown the windshield in the accident too?_

                I felt tears prickling my eyes, but willed myself not to cry. Just when I thought I had gotten rid of the urge to cry, I felt the tears spill over. Not wanting them to see, I quietly got to my feet and began the short walk through the woods and back to my house.

                Nobody came after me.

(A/N: Whoaa…I think that was the longest chapter I've written for this story so far. What can I say, I was so inspired by the trailer for Monday's new episode (which is making me so excited that I almost _want vacation to be over, just so I can watch Everwood, lol)! It kind of showed which direction they're gonna go with the show…and, ooh, Amy's little outburst at the end of the trailer…you can guarantee in future chapters I'm gonna milk that for all it's worth! haha._

Ditey—I love reading your reviews! They're so thoughtful and nice and make ME want to cry! lol…and oh yeah, I know the broken heart thing well…in fact, we're best friends…ha. I just kind of elaborated on my own experience, which I figured would be similar to his. Anyway, everyone, stop reading this shit and go read Ditey's stuff because it is AMAZING! (And I'm not just saying that because she leaves nice reviews, hahaa…) Seriously, she's probably the best author in this Everwood section, and if you haven't looked at anything she's written ooh baby you are missing out!)


	11. Change of Heart: Ephram

**OPEN YOUR EYES**

**_Chapter 10: Change of Heart – Ephram_**

                It had been two months since our fight. Two months since Colin had woken up. Two months since I kissed her. Two months since I actually looked her in the eyes. Two months since we'd even spoken.

                Two months of nothing.

                My life…well, I would wake up, go to school, play piano, come home, do my homework, read a comic book or two, and go to sleep. And then I'd wake up the next day and do it over again. I was living, but I wasn't really living. I was there, but I was just going through the motions. Other people didn't exist in my world. I tried to not allow myself to be anything but this rock, with no feelings, no interests, no nothing.

                Sometimes I went out—by myself, to get breakfast or something at the diner. Occasionally, Delia tagged along, but I was almost always by myself. I think I've seen Amy a couple of times—with Colin and her brother. Usually at the first sighting I flicker my eyes away and pretend to be unusally interested in whatever song I'm listening to or whatever dumb thing Delia's saying.

Colin—at school he seems like a kind of…well, an asshole. We've never exchanged a word. I don't even know if he knows that my dad did his surgery. But I watched him sometimes, when nobody else thought I was looking, and he was always laughing and flirting and the center of attention. He was a variation of Bright, only he had everything. Never with Amy. Amy was always by his side, but it seemed like he didn't give her much attention. She looked so pathetic sometimes that I would just want to…but then I'd catch myself and think,_ Her fault. And now she knows how wonderful it is to waste all your time on someone who doesn't care._

I didn't really know what their status was—when eavesdropping on my dad and Nina, sometimes I caught a few things, like that Colin didn't know he was her boyfriend. Sometimes my mind would start to wander, and think about how Amy was feeling, but I always caught myself.

Whenever I found myself thinking about anything that might cause a dramatic emotion, I'd pull out a comic book and drown my thoughts with loud music. As for my dad…generally, my dad and I were on this "leave the room when you see the other one coming" kind of thing. And it was calm that way. He didn't try to talk to me anymore except for casual comments and meaningless questions.

My life may not have been eventful or exciting, but at least I had some control. At least it was manageable. It might not have been ideal, but at least there was no screaming and yelling and no broken hearts. No crazy girls sending my emotions into turmoil, and no psycho fathers making my stomach churn.

The only times I ever really thought were when I was alone I the dark at night, with no colorful surroundings or loud music or comic books to distract me. It was then that I'd think about how alone I was. The only person I really had was Delia, but she was too young to understand how much I needed her.

_Wait, needed her? A kid? Come on, you don't need anyone. You're cool on your own, I assured myself constantly. During the day, it was okay. I believed it._

It was during one of these nighttime thinking sessions that I realized how little meaning my life had, and how much it really sucked. I needed something back, or I would just die off. I needed reality. Calm and painless as my life may have been, it was also lonely.

_'Tis better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all._

I think I finally understood.

***

                The next morning, I woke up and sleepily glanced over at my clock.

                "7:30!" I groaned. "Shit, I missed the bus!"

                I quickly tugged on the first things I could find in my closet, grabbed my backpack, and ran downstairs. My dad was standing in the kitchen, grabbing his keys off the counter, when he saw me come in.

                "You missed the bus," he said impatiently, tapping his foot and nodding his head towards the clock.

                "I know," I responded flatly. One of those comments that couldn't induce any emotions; that was what our conversations consisted of. If you could even call them that. _Hold on. I thought I decided this last night…I need something to happen in my life. Enough of this no-emotion bullshit. I'm done. "You could've __woken me up," I added spitefully._

                He gave a strange look and commented, "Oh, so now we're back to this again. Come on, I'll give you a ride."

                _What?! "But…" I began, shocked, so shocked that I didn't bother trying to hide my surprise. "You'll be late."_

                "So?" he shrugged nonchalantly. "A few patients have to wait a few minutes. Can't let you be late."

                I shrugged too. "Yeah, whatever," I retorted, like I didn't care one way or the other.

                But inside, I was trying to hold back a smile. Maybe he was changing. Maybe he'd been changing all along, and I just had been dwelling on the past too much to notice. And though it wasn't much, it was a start. Because the hidden message behind his nonchalantness towards the patients was that finally, for the very first time…he put me before them. That's all I ever wanted from him. That was a good father. Son first. So I hesitantly added, "Thanks."

                As I followed him outside, I couldn't help but notice that he, too, was holding back a smile.


	12. Sorry: Amy

**OPEN YOUR EYES**

**_Chapter 11: Sorry – Amy_**

                _Amy, Amy…what are you doing__ here? I asked myself. __Have you completely lost your mind?_

_                I had tried, I really did. I took Colin to the diner with me, alone, in a desperate attempt for him to remember all the lazy days we'd spent there._

                We'd been sitting at a table for two, and our conversation was going no where.

                "Do you remember anything?" I asked, almost pleadingly.

                "I came here a lot," he nodded, glancing around as he took a sip of his Coke.

                "With…?" I was losing my patience. He couldn't even keep his eyes on me for two seconds.

                "You." He looked at me, and then in this honest, serious voice, asked me, "Why didn't Bright ever come with us?"

                He might as well have taken his hand and physically slapped me across the face. I meant nothing to him. Bright's sister. I guess I wasn't _important enough for him to remember. Finally all the frustration and anger I'd been feeling deep down all this time, over the past few months…I couldn't take it anymore. I'd spent six months, in and out of hospitals…for what? For _this_? To be Bright's little sister? It hurt so much. I wanted to cry, right then and there._

                But the frustration didn't come out as tears. Instead, I found this girl who was not me raising her voice and harshly informing Colin that I had been his girlfriend.

                "You…were?" A mix of bewilderment and confusion and realization filled his eyes and then the girl who wasn't me snapped, "Yes, I _was_. But then you had your accident and I guess you don't remember. I guess you'll never remember."

                "Wait, so Amy…why didn't you tell me?" he asked. His voice held such confusion, and he looked at me with such sad eyes…

                "Why? So you could feel bad and pretend to like me because you'd feel obliged to?" God, the girl who wasn't me was really bold. She took a final look at Colin, and saw a sadness in his eyes.

                And the message read, loud and clear, _I'm sorry._ And it was obvious, so obvious what he was sorry for…but by then, the girl who wasn't me…well, she couldn't take it anymore, so she ran out with as fast as she could. But the girl who wasn't me was supposed to go home…but instead she'd taken a detour and ran somewhere else.

And now, she was standing in front of the Brown's house.

I took a deep breath, trying to think about what the hell I was doing. _You can't run to Ephram anymore. You're out of his life…he hates you._

"Amy."

I lifted my head, only to find Ephram, holding a huge garbage bag and staring straight at me. _Oh, shit._

"Um…hi," he began nervously, dropping the bag to the curb. "What are you…doing here?"

I laughed uneasily. "Honestly, I don't really know." Then, hesitantly, I added, "Can we…um…sit?"

"Sure," he agreed tentatively, gesturing towards the porch swing. I followed him to it, and when we sat down, we were both pressing ourselves against the end. There was room for about another person between us, on a two-seater swing.

_Like our relationship. Pushed apart, I mused._

"So..." he began, raising both eyebrows, but not looking at me. "Anything I should know? I mean, we haven't exactly been…talking."

This was crazy. You don't share so much with one person and then never talk to them again, and when you finally do, it's not supposed to be this awkward. _Do something!_ "I'm sorry," I blurted out.

His head slowly turned and I saw that the expression he wore was one of shock, but he quickly covered it. "Me too…for yelling at you. I guess you had some good points…and I'm sorry we haven't been talking." He sighed, and during his last sentence, his eyes darted away from mine.

"No," I asserted. "It wasn't your fault; don't blame it on yourself. Ephram, I…I did things to you that someone should never do to a friend. I used you, I lead you on, I yelled at you for doing something that was just as much of my fault as it was yours." I felt tears rushing to my eyes, but forced them away. "And now that Colin's back I've been ignoring you, and he doesn't remember even just liking me, but that's beside the point. Because looking back, I just keep asking myself over and over again what kind of person I am, because I don't know what kind of person does those things to someone she's…"

I glanced down at the space between us. It was nearly gone. 

_Oh, God, I was just going to say…do I? Have I? Is it possible that I...don't say it Amy, don't say it…_

I took a deep breath and, for once, spoke with my heart.

"Fallen in love with."


End file.
